Marco Bitran: Athletes And Anxiety - The Life Of A Low Level Tennis Professional Final Chapter

We met a few college seniors and they were headed to a house party nearby and we decided to tag along.

We met many drunk party animals that night, and although we were all having a good time mingling with each other, in the back of my mind I was trying to answer a few very important questions: How would we be able to finish our trip with the amount of money we had? Where would I find a second or third tennis racquet in case I broke a tennis string in a match? Also, where the hell are we going to stay?

One of the questions were answered quickly because apparently it was common for other drunken university students to pass out at the house they were partying at, so we took the opportunity and found some space and went to sleep. Now if this was later on in my life when I struggled with panic and anxiety disorders, my body would quickly let me know that I was in trouble. If you think that the next day after drinking alcohol was bad think again, the fear of recurring physical sensations of anxiety and the experiences of the morning of your hangover can greatly add to the possibility of having multiple hangovers and panic attacks in the coming days, and they are not fun I can tell you from experience. But back when I didn't have the fear of physical sensations of anxiety that led to my diagnosis of having health anxiety I was OK, I just had a massive headache, I was a little dehydrated, but I was OK.

After sharing stories about how great each of our nights were and how crappy we were feeling we needed to come up with a plan, my two buddies were quickly becoming home sick and lost the motivation to continue playing tennis tournaments and roughing it out the way we were doing. I couldn't blame them, it takes true tennis warriors mentally to consistently do what we were doing for a long period, and many low level professional tennis players do just that in the hopes of one day breaking through. My friends had enough money to catch a bus back to Canada and later on that day they decided to end their journey.

Now I was on my own and confused. If I went back now I would have felt like this whole journey was a failure, and I reminded myself that one day I would have a family, a steady job etc., and I would be looking back at these experiences and great memories no matter how difficult things were at the moment. So I continued on in my tennis journey alone. I asked each tournament director in each tournament if it was OK to sleep in my van in the parking lot during tennis tournaments and was allowed each time. I eventually was able to bring in some money through stringing other players' tennis racquets and it got me through all the way to the end of my six-week tennis journey in California.

It wasn't the most successful trip result wise and there were no big victories or ATP points earned, but it was a great success to me because when things got tough I could have easily gave up and went back home, but I kept at it. The lessons that these experiences have taught me are priceless and can't be taught by anyone, only experienced and understood. I returned home a winner in my books and looked forward to the next tennis adventure. But little did I know 6 years of debilitating panic and anxiety would ruin my life soon...

Dennis Simsek (also known as the anxious athlete) is the founder of the popular end the anxiety audio program that has helped many overcome their anxiety disorder related issues naturally. Visit http://www.anxietykey.com and follow the anxious athlete blog for your daily dose of inspirational, as well as the best anxiety support online.

Marco Bitran: Athletes And Anxiety - The Life Of A Low Level Tennis Professional Living The Dream Part 3

I had to have another practice session that day to get over what had happened so I worked my tail off and practiced for a good two hours, but no prize money in this event meant I needed to be even more stingy with my money. My other two friends also lost in the first round, so all in all it wasn't the best day of tennis for us.

As it got closer to the evening we needed to make a decision about a place to stay. We had a few friends who lived in Southern California but they didn't have enough room to help out all three of us, so that wasn't an option anymore. We couldn't come up with any ideas on trying to get free accommodation at that time so we did the next best thing we could think of a hostel. We searched the internet and ran into a hostel in Santa

Barbara not too far from the beach or our public tennis courts we were practicing on. What a catch, we thought! A private room for the three of us cost about $70 per night that we all shared, and one of us had to sleep on the floor, which wasn't too uncomfortable actually. We calculated how much money we would spend in the next week if we stayed at the hostel and we came to the conclusion that we had to make some extra money, or else our tennis trip would be cut short. We felt like kings in our new private dorm room: we had fresh towels, a kitchen nearby, pool tables and all in a prime location, we loved it!

Another week of tennis training went by at Santa Barbara, and the next tennis tournament was approaching quickly. It was in a city named Chico and up in the Northern part of California. So we moved out of our luxurious hostel and continued to do our best to find free accommodation somehow, because with our food almost completely running out, the price of gas and oil changes for the van, tournament entry fees, and any necessary tennis gear that we needed such as new tennis balls to practice with we knew we had to cut some expenses.

The worst part about it was that both of my shoes had huge holes on the bottoms, which were wearing out my socks every time I was training on a tennis court. I did my best to cover up the holes with what's called "shoe goo" which forms a protective outer layer over the hole, but even that was no match for the constant pounding on the hard courts.

I was put in the qualifying round in the tournament in Chico because if you don't have a high enough ATP tennis ranking, you have to work through at least three gruelling rounds in the United States just to get into the main event. My first two rounds were a breeze; I was playing well and my body was feeling great. My third round opponent was another collegiate player. I got off to a flying start and took the first set in 40 minutes. A tendency I had was to relax too much when a match was going in my favour too easily, so of course I let my foot off the pedal and my eyes started to wander around the facility. Bad move. My American opponent came back and won the second set by 7 games to 5. At this point I became very tight, because when you are so in control of a match and loosen up too much, your opponent can easily build up lots of momentum, which he did. He started to grow in confidence and had an answer to every shot I threw at him and I eventually lost the match 6 to 4 in the third set.

I proceeded to find a sturdy tree after the match and break two out of my three racquets out of frustration, to the enjoyment of everyone watching. I was so angry with myself for letting my opponent back in the match and an opportunity to get into the main event of the tournament passed me by. In the past if an opponent was too good and blew me off the tennis court completely convincingly I was OK with it, but when a professional tennis match was decided by just a few important points and my mental toughness was the result of the loss, I was really hard on myself.

That night after we all were out of the tournament earlier than expected again and our moral down, we decided to have a night out. We bought a large case of the cheapest beer we could find, found a parking lot near the tennis facility and drank until we were numb. At that point I had one racquet left in my bag for the rest of the trip, $150 in my pocket and one small case of shoe goo left for my beat up tennis shoes. We got out of the van and started walking towards the nearby university campus hoping that there was a party somewhere that was free and we could get in. We were in luck...

Dennis Simsek (also known as the anxious athlete) is the founder of the popular end the anxiety audio program that has helped many overcome their anxiety disorder related issues naturally. This is not a 'quick fix' solution but a proven strategy that in time will guarantee your natural recovery from anxiety related issues.

Visit http://www.anxietyend.com now to listen to a sample.

Marco Bitran: Athletes And Anxiety - The Life Of A Low Level Tennis Professional Living The Dream Part 2

The dangers of negative and stressful imagery can leave you feeling awful. There is the opposite to that which comes in the form of positive imagery. As I've learned, visualization powers your ability to rediscover your inner resources and refuel your outer expressions when stress is on the rise. The most powerful way I found to do my visualization sessions was through help from others as guided visualization, just like the process I was about to do on the beach through my headphones. This way you are directed by an experienced professional on what images to bring to mind and how your breathing should be in order to bring about perfect balance in mind and body.

Anxiety sufferers have a difficult time doing any kind of meditation, and visualization sessions strictly on their own because the sensitized nerves that we have are always on high alert, so it's important at least in the first month to use GUIDED visualization. The idea here is to take full control over your mind rather than let it control you, and in my past experiences with visualization I've learned that the effects it had the next day on how I played my tennis match was incredible. During my pre anxiety disorder days, I had used mental imagery but completely gave up the habit during the six years of anxiety struggles I had. It stopped the negative voices in my head for just a few minutes each night so I could find space to direct my mind wherever I wanted to go and to concentrate on specific thoughts and images such as in my case hitting perfect forehands, backhands, and coming out as a winner after my match the following day.

With consistent visualization you learn to be gentle with yourself and compassionate, to understand and accept the uniqueness of you in this world and to recognize that the only pressure you feel is the pressure you put on yourself. When that pressure is gone, your true nature will reveal itself in time. After a great visualization session, I was able to get the rest I needed in order to play my match.

"Wake up," someone said. "WAKE UP!" We were woken up by beach patrol and they weren't too happy with us, I tried to explain our situation but they didn't want to hear any of it; in fact, they told us that if they found us sleeping on the beach again that we would be in big trouble. I didn't want to find out what kind of trouble so we gathered up our stuff, threw everything in the van and decided to handle the sleeping situation later on.

We decided that the food we packed wouldn't give us the fuel we needed to carry us through our matches and the rest of the day, so as we were driving down the street we ran into a beautiful sight, a couple of golden arches staring right at us. Nothing beats a McDonald's breakfast, right? It's amazing how grateful a person can be when you are on such a limited budget as we were. My $4 pancake and sausage breakfast was a well-deserved feast it seemed.

We finished up our breakfast and headed over to the site to check in our names before our matches. I was drawn up against a big hitting collegiate player. When you run into a division 1 tennis player that plays university tennis you better be ready for a battle, through the extremely competitive schedule that these guys are put through they come out with the most determined mindsets and will compete until the last point. But I didn't mind, at this level there are no easy matches and you have to earn each victory no matter who you play.

I felt well prepared before the match, and couldn't tell if I should be worried that this guy was a well-oiled athletic machine or happy cause he was going to tire himself out from doing more than 20 sprints before starting the match, with his eyes firmly glued on me in between every sprint.

The match got underway. We split the first two sets and were headed into the third set. Because of many line call disputes, we got a referee to sit and watch our final set so there wouldn't be any bad line calls on crucial points. I was extremely frustrated at the way I was serving throughout the match, and I knew that if I had just served a little better this match would have been over and in my favour an hour ago. As the score reached 3 games to 1 for him, I reached my boiling point. After a missed serve by me and a return by my opponent,I swung at the incoming ball with what felt like was one of my hardest forehands I've ever hit. It was cleanly struck and it was headed straight to where the chair umpire was sitting. To this day I still remember how that ball whizzed two inches away from the face of the referee, and if it had hit him I knew I might have been in deep deep trouble. The following words came out of the referee's mouth: "Disqualification Mr Simsek for ball abuse." I was kicked out of the match. I didn't really know what to say. I knew I had a moment of weakness and my anger got the best of me for the first time in a long time.

As I walked off the court shaking from what I had just done, I made myself a promise to never let my anger take over my reactions to something. What if that poor guy got hit? That would have haunted me forever. You live you learn... on to the next battle.

Dennis Simsek (also known as the anxious athlete) is the founder of the popular end the anxiety audio program that has helped many overcome their anxiety disorder related issues naturally. This is not a 'quick fix' solution but a proven strategy that in time will guarantee your natural recovery from anxiety related issues.

Visit http://www.anxietyend.com now to listen to a sample.